written by Amanda T. Parrott, MSW, LISW-CP for Pebble Tossers
“You have power over your mind – not outside events.
Realize this, and you will find strength.”
Marcus Aurelius
COVID-19…How will you show up for yourself during a monumental event in history?
I pose this question to remind you of the power that you hold when managing this and other stressful events you will encounter in life. Comfort and strength come from the awareness that you have control over your actions or response, not control over the situation itself. The truth of the matter is that by nature, life is uncertain. As humans, we fight this simple fact on a regular basis, as we prefer the illusion that we can somehow predict and control our circumstances.
During times like these, we face the uncertainty of life, our actual reality. We feel vulnerable with stress and worry resulting from the lack of predictability, security and familiarity we typically rely on. It is natural for our thoughts to turn to all of the negative consequences and to feel emotions of anger, overwhelm and anxiety/fear. However, if we allow our thoughts to fixate on the negative, then we will miss the opportunity to develop skills to cope with our world in its natural, unpredictable state. The strength from within is always with us, so it is imperative that we get to know our true capabilities by pushing beyond what we feel is possible when life gets tough.
“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.”
Maya Angelou
I challenge you to consider the opportunity that presents itself now…choose to cope in a way that will serve as an example of strength and perseverance for years to come when you consider how you showed up for yourself during a difficult time. Resist remaining stuck and look for what may be possible. Consider the question “What good may come from my new reality?”
“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”
William James
What does it mean to choose one thought over another?
You begin by acknowledging your emotions and understanding that they are not good or bad, but simply neutral….and incredibly helpful! Your emotions are your data source. They provide you with the information necessary to understand what matters to you at any given time. When things around us feel uncertain, we naturally are more vulnerable to our emotions and can become stuck or overwhelmed. With curiosity, not a sense of judgment, ask yourself what emotions you are noticing, and check in with yourself often. “What is my emotion telling me is important?”
Once you know what is important, you free yourself to take action in a way that is meaningful to you. For example, if you notice feeling helpless, it may help you to consider what actions are within your area of control that would allow you to feel you are of help. You may decide to call elderly family members who are not able to receive visitors, or set up video calls with friends you are not able to see because of social distancing. We choose one thought over another, when we see opportunity amidst adversity. We choose one thought over another when we decide to acknowledge the power we hold in our response, the action we take. “How can I find benefit in my new situation?” To know what action is necessary, you must know your unique values and needs.
I would encourage you to consider reflection on your personal needs. Ask yourself “What are my needs in a given day-emotional, physical, spiritual, relational, academic, etc.?” How have these needs been impacted by COVID-19, the need for social distancing etc.? Are any of my personal needs completely ignored due to this disruption? What options could I consider to remove barriers to meet my needs? Am I able to problem solve and find resolutions on my own, or are there resources that may be able to help me? Do I need any supports to help me feel more secure? Identifying your personal needs and any current barriers, will allow you the opportunity to develop an understanding of the elements that will be necessary as you establish your new routine. Your needs will not be identical to those of your friends or family. You have to respect your individuality and create a support plan that provides you a sense of security, knowing it is unique to you. Routines are important because, once again, we humans like a sense of predictability. Make sure to incorporate positive activities during times of stress. See below for some beneficial activities to reduce stress.
During this unprecedented historical event, you have the opportunity to move beyond your perceived limitations. When you choose to pay attention to your emotions respectfully, you take power away from the event, and give it back to yourself. You begin to recognize, “I cannot control the world around me, but I can control how I respond by taking care of myself when times are challenging”. You have the ability to consider opportunities during times of adversity. What will you do with this opportunity?
How do you want to remember 2020 and your response to the stress of a global pandemic?
My hope is that, despite the disruption and undeniable fears associated with COVID-19, you will dare to seek opportunity, and develop fortitude, by challenging yourself to attend to your unique emotional needs with compassion and kindness, seeking support from others when challenges feel too cumbersome to manage alone. You are not alone, and if you feel you need support, talk to a friend or family member, or consider resources such as the Crisis Text Line, by texting TALK to 741741 or National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1-800-273-TALK. For additional information about how to cope, please check out NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) or the CDC (Centers for Disease Control). There are also many helpful apps, including Headspace, Mindshift, Breath2Relax and ReliefLink.
While respecting the need to have “social distance,” try your best to not close your hearts to others. Find ways to connect with friends, family and your community. We do not have to be in physical proximity to feel the power and benefit of social relationships. Get creative and remain united!
“We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.”
J.K. Rowling
Activities to calm uneasiness during times of stress:
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- Journal about how you are feeling or coping with the recent changes in your life.
- Get outside: Make an effort to notice your environment. Pay attention to your senses. What does the air feel like on your face? What does the air smell like? Can you describe your surroundings with descriptive words, as if you were a reporter?
- Play a comforting or soothing playlist.
- Have a screen-free day.
- Limit how much you watch the news or mindlessly spend time on social media.
- Go for a walk.
- Take a bath or shower, adding essential oils or even bubbles.
- Talk with a friend or family member.
- Do something creative.
- Learn a new skill (a new hobby or interest, or even a foreign language or instrument).
- Focus on breathing.
- Try the box breath technique: Breathe in for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4, and repeat.
- Try belly breathing by placing one hand on your chest and one on your abdomen. Take a deep breath in, careful to only activate and fill your abdomen (your hand on your belly should rise, hand on chest should not move), exhale release with pursed lips (hand on your belly should lower and can gently push in to help release all the air). Repeat 3-10 times.